precious illusions

I was having one of the best moments of my life. Just me and Tom taking a long walk and chatting. Every night, after a long grueling day, we meet and enjoy ourselves: watch a movie together, walk and talk. It's such a simple pleasure for me. Its like a substitute date. I enjoy the way he talks and smiles, and always wants to convince me to his point of view on everything. I realise that more than anything else I just enjoy the company primarily as a friend.

drizzle

I'm getting a hang of this city now.
Time flows smoothly with only a few moments of momentary disarray which reminds me that something is still missing. When will I understand who I am?

Ate too much pizza; failed in a test!
Learned one of my lecturer is gay.

The weather was wonderful today--slight drizzle. Went out to walk in the drizzle, it was so refreshing. It was also pretty romantic, but my partner was me.

DOUBT

*erm* I'm actually thinking that its a big mistake leaving my roomie and moving in with Tom. First of all my roommate is pretty nice and since I'm not really too chummy with him and feel I've got no relationship/friendship points to lose so I can feel more comfortable doing whatever I want. My roomate seems to be a very accommodating and mild tempered person. It just turned out that Tom and yours sincerely became closer friends with each other than with anyone else and its great, but when it comes to sharing a room its another story.

ITS JUST A LITTLE CRUSH

Sometimes its like people say things inadvertantly that are really relevant to what you're pondering over.


A-N-Y-W-A-Y

*Ahem* Apparently there is a girl who has a major crush on. She happens to be very proactive and desperately tries to get me to pay attention to her. She keeps on smsing me and complaining about how I never sms or call her and so I call her or sms her. Then I forget for a few days and then I get another barrage of emails and smses about a cold shoulder. She's cute though. I like her. Good marriage material, I guess. But damn me! I can't make my sexual and emotional part of my brain respond to her.

CAFE` MOMENTS

Imagine the scene:

I'm gradually inducted in to a group and go chillin' and dining out with them and become pretty friendly. At the same time I'm introduced and fitted in to another group of people. I'm trying to manage two groups of friends. I think it's getting a little hectic spending about 2 hours a day with each and I need to do something, but I like both. So my ingenious self decides to bring 'em together! Huh? Ain't that a great idea? Huh? Huh? yea? NO!

The 1st group smses me and wants me to get together at the cafe`, as I run to the place the 2nd group somehow finds me and wants to head to the market. I try to excuse myself from the 2nd group's plan but they insist, so I try to sms excuses to the 1st group but they say I have to come cuz its someone's birthday. What do I do?

I tell the 2nd group to come to the cafe` with me to get a bite and then head to the shops later; they agree. At the cafe` I introduce the 1st group to the 2nd group and make it so that they all sit together at the table. Lo and behold! some of them knew each other. Well that isn't necessarily bad now is it? IT IS!

It turns out that some of them were from the same school and DESPISED each other behind each other's backs. So there I was hearing the polite, cold chatter and everyone is all uncomfortable and stiff. Whoops! What have I done! The 2nd group then decides to head for the market and some innocent newbie like me from the 1st group wants to come to. Now there's another chilly moment as the veteran warring 1st groupers and 2nd groupers make faces at the prospect of spending even more time trying to be polite to each other. The 2nd group makes excuses and decides to go and they're like, "Come on Bruce, let's go!" but the 1st groupers are also like, "Hey Bruce let's go!" and I'm like... AWKWARD! I tell the 1st group that I need to get something from the market urgently so I need to go with the 2nd group but I'll catch them later.

NOW the problem is:
1) Do I hang around with both and eventually end up making both bitter of me?
2) Which one do I chose, if I chose?

It has to be mentioned: the 1st group offers more chances of parties and the girls are really cute and there's a chance a guy is gay in this group. While the 2nd group has really nice, friendly people who have made very strong friendship overtures to me and includes a guy who lives in my dorms and so I need to be in good contact with him.

Adieu

*cough*

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
I have come back to thee!
so taketh me in thy arms!
and kiss, kiss, kiss.

Oh damn! that guy seems to get hotter very passing day!

Arrrgh! I was supposed to be studying but instead I took a good nap and then hung out with friends.

I'M 6 DO U WANNA B 9?

The thing about new settings and new people is the magical quality of discovery with a tinge of uncertainty and fear. I probably get along with people pretty well in general and seem to be able to get to the friendly level easily, but then it seems to stagnate there and not reach the close pal level--EVER. I think I'm to blame for the most part. I consciously and unconsciously-and definitely habitually-keep people at a distance. I could probably have a session with a psycotherapist about the reasons of doing this, but I can guess its about the not so pleasant childhood experiences, which were really not too bad come to think of it--maybe I'm just extremely freakishly sensitive. *pondering*

Anyway so my life always seems unsettled and it always seems like I'm meeting hordes of new people every freakin' day of my life. It's become second nature for me to have secondary relationship type (kinda formal) introductory conversations with strangers with people but no deep connection. Its like a non-ending impression management and introduction session. I Like meeting new people, but now I just wanna settle down for a while and just get in to some sort of social set-up which is at least somewhat permanent.

And moving on to better topics: Oh so many sexy guys! Oh how did I end up with one of the sexiest, hottest friend *swoons* who wants to hang out with me all the time?oh those eyes! Oh the joy of being surrounded by sexy guys and cute gals! Oh I hope I'm turning someone on as well . Hehe

Studying sucks. I thought reading one book by foucault was hard but it turns out that neitzsche scares me and I don't 'get' kant and hume. And FUCK mathematics...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I HATE MATHS! HATE IT! so dry, but I found that the type of guys I like are good in numbers and technical stuff.

I got an uber cool NAUGHTY tee-shirt with the words: "I'm 6, do u wanna be 9" LOLZ I'm gonna wear it all over campus :-)


Au Revoir

trip

Ahhh! The last month I spent in the northern areas of Pakistan was awesome!
It reminds me of my childhood when I used to live in Mardan for a year.