I WAS EVEN LATE FOR PUBERTY

I have to wait for everything as everything is delayed for me. It seems that I am always one-step behind others. Maybe this is a good thing...

I was a late-developer. Everyone in my class had reached puberty with all the things attached to it: voice getting squeaky then manly, hair sprouting everywhere, erections and sexual desires, exponential increase in height and all the exciting and confusing things that happen. I always felt like I would never hit puberty and everyone seemed much more physically mature than me. When my friends used to talk about masturbation I used to get so worried since I was apparently the only one who didn't do it. So I waited and waited and I remember that on my 13 birthday I went in to the bathroom and tried masturbating. I only did what a guy had told me to do i.e. rub your penis back and forth. I had asked him how one masturbates and he told me that this is how its done and I thought it was very weird but I tried it in a very mechanical way. It seems so amusing when I think about it now. There I was a 13 year old trying carefully to follow the steps he was told to achieve the privilege of being one of the mature guys who masturbate! Well nothing happened--except for me feeling bemused about how strange all of this was.

Then finally things began to happen a few months before my 15 Birthday. My voice started to change, some hair appeared in the pubic region and I started to have sexual feelings (Yay!).

The group I used to hang out with used to watch porno movies and I never enjoyed them-except for the exciting feeling of doing something rebellious and forbidden-but after my 14 birthday I started to enjoy them somewhat. I was always focused on the man in the flick but I never consciously recognized this fact.

Around the age of 12 and 13 kids mess around a little bit with each other and sometimes-when I was 12-we would grab each other's penises like in a sort of a game (very rarely though). One day I was sitting in class and my friend (who was sitting beside me)suddenly grabbed my dick and I let out a loud startled gasp out of surprise and pleasure. The whole class looked at me curiously and I and my friend both gave each other a secretive knowing smile.

During this time I also had a typical adolescent exploratory sexual experience with a cousin of mine. We were both lying together at night and started talking about sex and showed each other our dicks and then he went to sleep while I played around incessantly with his dick and butt (Hmm always a horny ass!). I think this was actually when I was 13 and so we both were just on the threshold of puberty so we couldn't really reach orgasms but had emerging sexual potential and feelings and could get erections. The next day we kinda ignored what we had done and haven't again talked about it.

I was thinking about how oblivious I was of my sexual orientation at this time. Although I do think it's pretty normal for kids to have some homo-erotic experiences in the early years of puberty but I think mine was more than just experimentation. It was only after my 15 birthday did I begin to consciously recognize that I was sexually focused on men rather than girls. This was when I tried hard to change this but obviously I didn't succeed and by 16 I had accepted my sexuality.

Looking back it seems like a million years have passed. That time almost has a sweet nostalgic charm to it now. Haha I feel like an old person thinking about distant times. :-)