HE SAID DON'T TALK TO ME

Today H messaged me to call him and I did and then we discussed our messed up situation. I had been thinking a lot about it as well. Apparently H reached the same conclusion that I had reached but just couldn't say it or make myself do it because it is just too hard but H said it and so I thought this was the best option. We have called off our relationship, or whatever it, is for sometime. He said that we will not talk for the next couple of months because it is just too hard for him and when I return back to Pakistan we will talk again and see where we are in our lives.

I have been in so much trouble as I feel so much for H and yet I don't feel ready for big commitments but on the other hand I want to give my whole life to him and the only thing stopping me is the fear of getting attached to someone and being vulnerable and then getting hurt. The thing is that I was anguished as I felt guilty because I thought I was playing with this guys emotions and that I might be hurting him. I don't want to hurt him in anyway. But I wanted to keep on talking to him and I just couldn't think of finishing it but then again I didn't want a very serious commitment at this time either. I thought it was unfair of him to demand so much from me when I have still not even graduated from college. So I think this is a very wise option that we take some time off although I am dying to talk to him or just run to his room and tell him to lock me there and throw away the keys.

After he told me that we are not going to talk for some months I felt so awful. I cried when I shut off the phone. But I know this is the right thing and the right thing is usually the hardest.