IT'S SOMETHING ABSTRUSE

Boy, just as I was getting relieved that the ordeal of exams was over I get aquainted with something called an application form. These forms claim to be simple and user-friendly but they are nothing like that. I have learned that to decode what they're asking, one actually needs the help of a consellor- or since we don't have many of those here-teachers. But being a private student entails the curse of figuring it out your self. It's like everything is out to tell me, "So you think you don't need anyone in life to help you? You think you are self-sufficient?" Well, I'm NOT, ok? I'm not and I hate it right now when I would love to have somebody, like maybe, my parents here to help me out when I get stressed out and low. But I don't.

I don't really care about anything but being successful in life. In my academics and career. It's not about money or materialism but it's a need for survival and meaning. Life would be meaningless without atleast something to occupy my mind or achievements to make life worth living. But I am not seeing it getting achieved. I'm just the opposite of my ambitions i.e I'm not hard-working enough. It became so important to me once I realized that I would have nothing else in my life but my career to keep me going. When I understood that I would never be in a relationship. The sense of missing any real emotional intimacy in my life makes me want to make up for it so that I'll have something solid to base my life on. So, that's why I don't care for anything else. I've never been in love and never will be. It's cool, just give me my achievements!

I'm not going to slip!