ISOLATION

Yesterday was a day that completely altered me. They say when something really bad happens to you and it shakes you down to the core, you emerge a new person. Well, that's what happened. I mean, I'm the same person but many things I believed in and the way I thought I was and the way I percieved my life and future all changed. To explain what happened I'd have to reveal my deeply-held secrets; which I won't. These are things I haven't told ANYONE. NO ONE. And these are things that hurt me the most intensely and viciously. I finally came face to face with them and they attacked me with such force that everything changed. And when I realized the extent and truth of the matter I realized that nothing and no one can save me.

I don't believe in religion or science or relationships. The only thing that I'm sure of is that I will not get the things I desire most in life. It's a certainty.

I got a phone call from my parents after a long time. I felt so disconnected with them and I showed it. I told them that they shouldn't waste money on phone calls which made y mother cry she said she wanted to hear my voice and how could I be so cruel. I felt nothing. I am so hurt...I didn't care. I'm cutting away from them now. When I finished the call I felt so cold inside. Some feeling I can't explain but there was real awful pain...and it brought a single tear and I finished all other emotions and pulled up the wall placed around me yesterday and this time it's never coming down.