IF I COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BOY

I remember when I was 16 and I was reading about Ephebophilia (Boy-love). I remember reading about which types of boys were considered very sexy and appealing by the greeks and by many eminent personalities through out history. I also read about North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). It was so fascinating to find that I met all the specifications of the sexy boy. And all of it overwhelmed me so much as this was what I desired from the deepest nooks and crannies of my soul. I wanted to be the boy-to be 'that' boy- the one in a relationship with an older man. I wanted everything that accompanied it; that way of being treated; that way of being loved and desired; those feelings. I wanted to be the object of affection; to be pursued and fondled. The catamite.

But time passed away; I grew old and am no longer a boy. It just leaves me with bitterness and a sense of loss. Loss of that phase in my life. It's such a pity that something I desired so much and that I feel was necessary for me to experience and to make me complete, can never be fulfilled.

It's too late now. And my desires have changed. Life has changed. It's just too bad that dreams and desires and ambitions are never fulfilled for me.