MY BLOG IS BLOCKED BY THE GOVERNMENT!

There are some moments in my life in Pakistan that remind me that I'm in a country with almost no safeguards against violations of basic human rights, like that stupid, useless and subversive concept of free speech. Oops! There I go mentioning the hot-button controversial topic of free speech. Like my friend, Spiritofnow, mentioned in her Livejournal that Muslims will react like crazy on a stupid cartoon and keep a calm silence on issues like honor killing, stoning to death for adultery etc.

But what I'm supposed to be whining about is the fact that Pakistani government blocked blogspot because apparently there was some blog with the 'offending' Danish caricatures of the Holy Prophet (PBUH). So no one in Pakistan can read my blog! Damn! Just when I had published the most sizzling posts :-(

FLIRT WITH ME (PART 2)

It was a cloudy day and the restaurant was very crowded. It was one of those self-service restaurants and served scrumptious Greek food. I was bored with my cousins and maintained a kind of petulant silence. Then I noticed a handsome Caucasian man looking at me; he must have been around 40 years old. I kept glancing at his way once in a while to check whether he was still looking, and our eyes met many times. He smiled and had an inviting expression. I wasn’t sure if this guy was really non-verbally hitting on me or whether I was just imagining it. Then I had to get up to get something from the counter, and to my surprise he got up as well and walked pretty close to me and was looking at me. I was like, “That confirms it!” He must have been 6 feet tall and was very well-built. He looked at me with lustful eyes and a lingering smile. It seemed as if he wanted to talk to me, but was hesitant. Then as I sat back on my table and he did the same, I realized that I was attracted to the guy. He had attractive rugged features and a strong presence. I got excited when he made some obvious flirtatious gestures.

It was time to leave soon, and I reluctantly left the restaurant while the man followed me with his eyes. As I was waiting for my cousin to bring the car from the car park the man came outside the restaurant as well. I was surrounded by my cousins and I felt a little embarrassed as the man was obviously staring at me while leaning on the nearby telephone pole. My cousins must have definitely gotten a little suspicious when the man followed us to the nearby store where we had decided to buy something while the car was coming.

Then our car came and as we were driving away I caught the man waving goodbye to me, and suddenly I felt I needed to go back to him. “Can we go back again? I want to get something to eat for the evening from the place.” I blurted out. My cousin groaned, but turned back towards the restaurant. When I got back I didn’t see the man standing anywhere outside the restaurant. I walked towards the entrance door of the restaurant and took a deep breath as I clutched the handle.

When I walked in I saw the man standing in a queue line in front of the counter, and he immediately saw me and winked at me. I approached the queue and he said, “Come stand with me.”
“Thank you.”
We started the usual introduction chat and then he told me that he could show me great spots in San Francisco and other cities. “Can I have your number? I’ll take you out for dinner.” He said.
“Um, why don’t you give me your number instead?” I hesitantly asked.
He smiled and said, “Ok, fair enough. Don’t forget to call me.” He grabbed a table napkin and wrote his name and number and handed it to me. “I really want to meet you again.” He told me. I got something to eat and shook his hand as I was about to leave. I remember he had a very firm grip and that had turned me on; for a moment it felt as if he wouldn’t leave my hand. “Take care.” He said huskily. “Yea, you too. Bye.” I gave him a playful smile and left.

When I got home I placed the table napkin in my drawer and it stayed there for about a month. I didn’t call him even though I was very tempted, but I felt I wasn’t ready somehow. I thought I was already so emotionally disturbed at that time and I didn’t want to risk something that might potentially disturb me even more. Eventually I threw the napkin, and that was it. I sort of regretted that I didn’t take advantage of the chances I got, but with time I thought it was better to wait more until I was more emotionally stable and ready.

Soon I’ll dwell on my emotional state at that time—coming soon :-).

BRUCE GETS ARRESTED!

Hmm with the flahbacks of my 'troubled past,' I should break the montony and fast-forward in to my present 'sweet' days. Some days ago I attended one of those celebrity-packed cool Lahori parties. It was just the typical stuff: Cool dance floor; hot chicks and a majority of stupid boring men with some sexy ones thrown in; booze; munchies; lots of rich shallow people--you know, the usual stuff. Anyway what ever happened in the party isn't that important (I just danced, socialised, ate and drank), it was what happened later that is interesting.

It was late at night and me and my friends were driving back home. We were all high, except the designated driver. NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE! Then some cops stopped us and asked us to come outside the car. *gulp*

The cops asked our names and where we were coming from and made sure to stand really close to us so as to smell our breath. "You have been drinking!" The cop exclaimed triumphantly after getting a whiff of alcohol from my breath.

"Tsk tsk. Itne raat ko aur woh bhi larkiyon ke saath aap log kia kar rahe the?"
Translation: "What were you guys doing at this late hour and that too with girls?"

There were two female friends of ours who had gone to the party as well. We were all very worried about them because its harder for girls to be in such a sitution. I was worried that these fucking cops might take advantage of these 'bad' drunk party girls. So we all tried to ask the cops to spare the girls so that we could leave them at their homes and then they can talk with us later. Fortunately the cops let the girls drive away leaving us to the police-wallahs.

Ok so the routine of the police was like this:
One was the 'bad' cop who scared and threatened us. "We will inform your university and your whole career will be ruined. We will inform your parents. We are going to lock you up! Your name will be in the newspapers!"

We got so scared and it was really traumatic. They were about to take us to the lock-up!

Another was the 'good' cop, "Bache (child) you are all so young (there were four of us)we don't want to ruin your lives. You have to learn a lesson that these are bad habits. See 'these type' of girls have ruined many innocent 'bache' (blame the girls!!!). Alcohol and parties are immoral." And stupid sermons and advices like these. There was a lot of self-righteous sanctimonious shit; it made me think that these cops were really concerned about religion and morals.

After some time they got tired of their sermons and forgot invoking God and religion in everything to bring us to the 'right' path, the bastards got to the point: BRIBE!

And while taking all our cash, they informed us that they were hoping that we had learned our lesson and will not indulge in 'immoral activities' again! Yes dear old police man I sure learned my lesson and I hope you will enjoy the bribe money and boy, am I impressed by your honesty and morality!

The next day I went to another party and made it a point to drink even more than I usually do. FUCK YOU!

I won't feel guilty no matter what they're telling me;
I wont feel dirty, and buy in to their misery; [..]
Give me a choice;
Give me a chance to turn the key and find my voice

--Garbage

FLIRT WITH ME (PART 1)

Maybe I had reached the rock bottom. Maybe I just desperately needed something to fill my empty and aching life. Maybe I just needed some love, some attention, something to get rid of the isolation. What ever it was, during that time I was one unhappy and confused person (Cuz I know I don't have that desperate need for attention now and I'm much happier):

Some months later from the LA incident, I was sexually frustrated and hated that nothing was happening. I wanted some attention, some excitement. If I don't get any commitments, no relationship, no future and no promise of anything why shouldn't I explore my possibilities? I thought I was wasting my 'potential'. Over the course of a few months I had elicited some sexually-oriented comments and hints from guys and I was happy about the fact that people were interested in me. I wasn't expecting that since in Pakistan nothing was as open as in San Francisco. I resented what I percieved as 'saving-myself' for someone who didn't seem that interested or who didn't give me as much attention as I wanted. I wanted guys to look at me, to adore me, to lust after me; I wanted to do something wild. I felt the need to shock my parents and break away from every thing people expected from me. I hated everything. So I guess at one point I said, "Let's see what I can do."

I joined the gym, got a new hairdo,bought new clothes, and started attending some wild parties.

One day I was at a restaurant with my cousins...

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Two guys just brought together by the forces of economics develop something that will not fade away no matter what happens. The two cowboy, Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal), and Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger)work together on a summer job. Tending sheep n the panaromic vistas of Brokeback Mountain. There they develop a bond; a bond whose force they didn't understand at that time. It was just one phase in their life and then they had to go their own separate paths. Life paths forced them to go their own separate ways. Living many miles away from each other, one in Texas (Jack) while the other in Wyoming (Ennis). Their lives were separated and time passed, they had their own families and jobs, but they couldn't forget each other. They met many people n their lives but they always felt that nobody was 'right'; nobody except each other.

They met again, and did they meet! The happiness, excitement and joy of meeting again after so long was apparent in their faces and anticipation. It was apparent to both, the second time they met, that they felt very strongly for each other and the bond just lay too deep to be torn by time or space.

Then began a relentless and somewhat torturous series of rendezvous. It showed the difficulties and frustration of a long distance relationship. With Jake traveling so far to meet Ennis and always feeling there was never enough time. The constant separtions and reunions. "Sometimes I miss you so much, I can hardly stand it!" Jake once said. But there lives forced them to be separated; they couldn't live together because of their circumstances.

It was a beautiful movie--very powerful. And boy, I sure can relate a lot to it. Watch it.