ONCE IT'S ALL OUT.......

Throw me a curve-ball and watch me duck! I've always been good at the game of dodge-the-ball whether it was an actual ball I was avoiding getting hit by or the figurative balls of life that are just as keen to hit you and get you out of the game but somehow, unlike the real game, life's game always has curve-balls with a twist. No this is not a preamble leading to my analyses of someone's balls! :-)

Once again the ball I was avoiding, i.e coming clean to my parents and letting them enter my world, has turned out to be surprisingly twisted. Eventhough their reaction to the whole story has been scary but it seems as if after getting everything out there is a new sense of freshness in our relationship. It's like a new beginning but this time based on genuine understanding. It's almost like I feel as if its all out now and we've gotten over with the scary reaction part now, all the secrets, scary anger fits, crying, emotional drama has finally been done with and a new dawn has arrived. It wasn't easy, it was bad, but after that there is a new sense of freedom. I dealt with my shock, they dealt with their shock, they lashed out finally and after all of that it seems like we just go up now. All that was supposed to happen has happened. WHEN ALL THE MUCK IS OUT ONE CAN FINALLY MOVE ON.

This was the day after their big breakdown and after a night of dealing with the new realities the morning was imbued with a sense of calm. Realities got challenged, reactions finally bubbled out and we can finally move on. We had a nice, calm talk and decided that life goes on.

This doesn't mean that they are ok with the idea of me having any contact with men in any other way than a friend at this stage. They say that its not the right time for me and that I should just make my life first and then after a few years I'll know myself better and then I can do whatever I want. I agreed with them that I should concentrate on my studies--which, by the way, have been seriously neglected. I conceded that flying to Karachi like that was careless and impulsive. They ended up still stuck on their demand that I never talk to H again or get involved in homosexual acts at this stage. I didn't explicitly commit to any of their demands I just said, "Hmm." If they construed it as an, "Ok! you got it!" then it's not my fault! Hehe :-)

Anyway its not like I am doing anything now that they might object to. I'm just a nineteen-years-old guy who is just trying to live this life and within all the confusion, pain and rubble tries to remain in awe of it all--can't let that go!